Given their technological advancement, these alien civilizations must enjoy sports as much as we do. No doubt any of their sporting activities taking place here on Earth are broadcast back to the home world. And what would a sporting event be without sponsorship? Crop circles serve much the same purpose as the Goodyear blimp! They may seem like intricate geometric patterns to us, but to the viewers on planet Glorbax they are powerful advertisements! UFOs full of graphic artists were paid quite handsomely to create those crop circles. When the crop circle phenomenon started drawing too much attention from the natives, alien advertising firms acted quickly, teaching the locals how to create their own crop circles. Quick action was essential if they were to keep their presence here concealed. The Earthlings even got so good at creating alien beer logos that the aliens were able to lay off a significant number of their overpaid graphic artists and replace them with Terran "sweatshop laborers". One can't help but notice the striking parallels between global and galactic economics.

So what sports would hold the interest of a galactic traveller? No doubt there is a spectrum of athletic competition that rivals our own. What we perceive as alien abduction may be nothing more than another civilization's version of rodeo. Once can only imagine the sportscaster interviewing one of these competitors: "We just have to get more abductees than the other team...take it one anal probe at a time...make our E=110%(mc²)". The pilot of the ill-fated Roswell craft may have been the Dale Earnhardt of his race. Bigfoot is nothing more than a grey wearing a furry exoskeleton in much the same way a Mexican wrestler wears a mask. Aliens disguised as humans and walking among us? Just another version of Survivor. Each week another alien is sent home with a lovely parting gift. Rest assured, if the game is played by humans, something every bit as silly is played by aliens.

But do sports originate here on Earth, or somewhere out among the stars? And do their sports afford them a chance to suspend their normal cultural rules and practices? Imagine how strange a baseball game would seem to an alien when viewed against the backdrop of normal human culture. The gigantic wads of chewing tobacco, the crotch scratching, the pats on the ass...If they behave as strangely as we do in the pursuit of athletic supremacy, it would certainly explain their odd behavior on Earth. I sincerely hope that we eventually have the opportunity to watch them play as they watch each other. Picture giant pink creatures vaguely reminiscent of octopii playing Australian Rules Football and you'll understand what I mean. But for now, we can only dream of the day when we can watch it three times a week on ESPN2.