"For the discriminating paratheologist"
Legba
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Posts by Legba
Art Bell Transforms From Man To Myth
4404 days
by Legba
in Feature Stories
Art Bell…Yes!
Mike Siegel…No!
Art Bell has announced his retirement once again, and this time he really means it. Really! Really really really! Personally, I’m not sure whether to believe it or not. Art has been raking in the dough from his writing career, and with The Coming Global Superstorm, I think he’s finally hit upon a winning formula: lend his name and some ideas to a professional author who can reap much greater sales with Art’s name on the cover as a collaborator. If he continues to work with pros like Whitley Strieber, he can easily turn out two or three books a year with a minimal amount of work. So what is Art planning to do with his spare time? Well, I imagine he’ll take some time off to spend with his son and pursue his litigation against WWCR in Nashville, but I have reason to believe there’s another motive. Word has it that this season will be the last for The X-files, and producer Chris Carter is planning to apply the Star Trek model to the franchise: produce movies with the original cast, and create a spin-off show to keep the X-files name on TV. What does this have to do with Art? He’s slated to star in X-files: Groom Lake 9! Human-alien relations have reached a turning point, and the show’s characters will be dealing with the delicate business of building a bridge between the species. The show is slated to premiere next season on the WB network. Here’s a rundown of the cast:
Art Bell stars as Special Agent Art Mulder, Fox Mulder’s long lost uncle. The character will be introduced in the finale of the original X-files show. Tori Spelling co-stars as Special Agent Brandi Alexander, Art’s partner. Together, they patrol the Groom Lake beat in a talking UFO (voiced by James Earl Jones). Lance Henrickson plays General Vince Carter, the crusty but loveable commanding officer at Area 51. Art will also play The Smoking Clone, Agent Art Mulder’s evil twin.
I’ll be posting more info about X-files: Groom Lake 9 here as soon as they become available. Meanwhile, if you have suggestions, story ideas, or even scripts for the show, send them here and we’ll forward them to Chris Carter!
Commit a crime, go to prison, get a home page
4547 days
by Legba
in Feature Stories
Wal-Mart greeters? No, Georgia death row inmates Jack Alfred Bennett and Johnny Gates
The Georgia Department of Corrections is offering a wonderful new service. Their new web page gives access to the state of Georgia’s complete database of convicts. Everyone who’s done time in Georgia during the last 30 or 40 years is included, searchable by name, institution where incarcerated, or even by offense. Many of the offenders even have a photo posted! I think its great that Georgia is making an effort to use the internet as a rehabilitation tool. The next logical step is to allow inmates to post a resume on the site when they are nearing release. Employers looking for cheap ex-con labor would be able to search the site and locate the perfect person for any position:
If you’re into the pictures, search for everyone under death sentence. Most of the death row guys rate a large picture. Someone should put together some trading cards of these guys. The site is also a cool place to learn about crimes you just don’t think about every day. Barratry, bastardy, embracery, instigating mutiny, insurrection, intermarriage with close kin, necrophilia, violation of bingo rules…the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, many criminal categories don’t have any offenders listed. A search for necrophiliacs yields no results! Someone needs to institute some sort of affirmative action program to make sure that all categories have at least one convict in them. Maybe the Justice Department could institute some sort of bussing system to move necrophiliacs from the midwestern “corpse belt” states to other states where the the lovers of the dead are kept out by fear and prejudice. If you feel as I do, please email Al Gore and tell him you want him to make necrophiliac bussing one of his campaign planks in 2000.
My only concern is that some obsessive compulsive sociopath will see the list of crimes on the site and use it as a personal checklist that must be completed at all costs. When captured, he or she will claim to have gotten the idea from the internet, unleashing a flood of news stories describing the profound threat posed to white American society by the internet. If I catch anybody causing more of this crap to flood MY television, I’ll haul you off to Georgia and get my name listed with the Department of Corrections for murder AND necrophilia.