Alien Jesus Collective

Phoenix, AZ July 2002

An extended stay in Phoenix during the summertime.

“Buck”, I hear you saying “why not go someplace cooler that sells legal fireworks?”

It’s a fair question and one I’ve asked myself quite a few times in the last weeks of my 111 average degree stay. hokey, Toronto is 100 degrees on a Sunday afternoon, that’s just one place that shouldn’t be, look around on the weather channel, where would you go? Fireworks. We’re still close to the mexican border, fireworks are plentiful.

“But Buck, fireworks are illegal in Arizona.”

You don’t say? Well, the guns aren’t. I’ve got a concealed weapons permit and a load of ammo set to go off should the terrorists decide to jump into action.

Except they wont. Why should they? All they have to do is sit back and let the media do the terror for them. Every top government official has issued irresponsible statements of “terror coming to your town. Terror coming to our shores”. Don’t that make your astral nads shrivel? This fourth of july is just about an open invitation for someone to strap on some half-sticks and light the fuse for Allah. Headlines goading the faithful into a reverent gut oozing puddle. Or just some homegrown nutcase who let’s the voices take over. The voices are probably coming from the television newscast or the 18 hour Chuck Norris-a-thon on USA network.

Who needs terrorists when you got Beavis in the Woods?

good god. Colorado and Arizona scorched, burned, altered forever in the recent fires. Dreadful damage, lives of pets and people put in the balance. and it goes back to folks that were actually a part of the services keeping us safe from fire.

The stories are sketchy on two fire causes. The one for Chediski in Northern Arizona was admittedly started by a man who was lost in the forest and he was signalling for help by lighting a fire. I’d like to personally beat that snivelling pussy to a pulp. Any four hour survivalist training tape would have showed him all he needed to know about getting around in the forest. There is no reason why every single american shouldn’t have this information.
The Colorado fire was started by a forest ranger gal who’s story changes with the telling. The most told though is that she recieved a letter from her ex-husband that so enraged her she had to set fire to it. Fair enough, my three ex-wives could have that same effect on me and there are more than a few bullet holes in the side of my barn after having to deal with one of them.

But lady, you were in charge of your section of forest, you knew the fire danger level was at the highest alert, such a high alert that even the average citizen was being warned by emails, news bulletins, weather channels, local fire depts. The information was everywhere and I know it was it even more so for you not to mention you had extensive training and experience in your field. That you were so furious with your ex-husband is understandable but your reckless disregard of nature and man is criminal. For what you are going to get sentenced for this fire you could have gone and killed the guy, maybe his new young, skinny, girlfriend (I’m speculating here) and still got less time for a crime of passion.
There is no crime of passion excuse when you’ve burned up and out animals, people, forests. Lost people their liveliehood to even attempt to make a comeback in their home area.
You do the maximum time, sister.

And speaking of Livelihood, Leonard from the Apache Resevation wanted to have one so bad that he started a fire so he could be called up in his volunteer fireman capacity. Told a lady he was talking to a fire was coming and he had to go home and wait for the call. Leonard said he didn’t know the fire would start so fast or so big. What kind of volunteer fireman wouldn’t know that? Volunteer Retard is what Leonard is. You get an indian who actually wants to get a job and this is what he does. Was the casino not hiring, Leonard? Bullshit.
You too should have the maximum sentence.

At the Command with God

The 4th of July will be a working day at the Alien Jesus Command. Re-doing the webpage, re-filling the beer cooler. All of us went down to Old Navy and bought our 4th of July t-shirts that we’ll be wearing. God Bless America. Can I say that anymore?

Sure I can say it, just not in a school or public building.

You may be suprised that I am in favor of dropping the God from our Pledge of Allegiance.

I don’t like what God means in this country. Falwell’s God, Pat Robertson’s God, Joseph McCarthey’s God. They all get up there (well not Joe, he burns in hell) and say the founding fathers would be rolling in their graves at this being left out.

No, no they wouldn’t. There was no pledge of allegiance during our founding father’s day. there was no flag either. The founding fathers didn’t want to pledge allegience to king or country, they were adamant about that. The pledge, the flag, the god, were all introduced a century after the founding fathers in much the same way that santa was introduced by Coca Cola and Mother’s Day was by Hallmark.

And talking about the “founding fathers” in such reverent tones. Read up on your history. They started this country so they wouldn’t have to pay taxes and debt to england, so they could sell their goods here at higher prices. It was a financial political move on their parts. Boston Tea Party? They burned the british tea because it was going to be sold cheaper than the tea they were selling, it would have wiped them out. It was for personal profit that this country was started. A tradition that is more evident than ever these days.

I wouldn’t want a God from the Founding Fathers even if they had introduced one. well they did, but it was secret masonic one eyed, three penis’d god. Put that on the flag you morons.

So another 4th of July in the desert with my friends and collegues.

The fires burn out, the burgers burn up, and the heat is always on. I hope a kinder, wiser God blesses you, your country, your world.

A really A-1 god doesn’t give a crap about your flag though.

I’m Buck Huff, Happy Trails.