Monthly Archives: August 2000

Barbie and the Water Table

Arizona Barbie
Arizona Barbie

Arizona is the methamphetamine capital of the United States

While watching “Space Ghost” the other night there was what I first thought was a goof commercial for a Barbie Doll. The overblown hair and Dachau waistline are d’rigeur and hardly worth being shocked over. It was Barbie’s eyes that caught my attention. Big globes of cock-eyed, unfocused, narcotized confusion set in a face that said “I don’t know and I don’t care.” “Glazed Over Barbie”, “Way Out of It Barbie”, “Being treated for Depression Barbie” would have been appropriate names for this piece of plastic with boobs and I waited for the punchline. There was none, this was a real commercial selling toys to our young daughters. (and perhaps boys but I don’t want to think about that now) The commercial ended and so did my interest. Until I saw an article the very next morning in the London Times about our water supply being possibly at risk from the thousands of pounds of drugs being excreted by the world wide bladders of humanity everyday. Prescription narcotics for anxiety, heart disease, high blood pressure, and particularly depression were high on the list of drugs that can go practically unaltered through the human body and into rivers, streams, and oceans. The serotonin raising drugs in particular, already blamed for killing off jillions of aquatic microbial life, are of grave concerns for many scientists who are not on a Chemical company payroll and can still be objective and probing in their work. Of course, these scientists don’t have the huge amount of dollars to do any kind of reasonable research, so they don’t really have anything substantial to say. “Just about everything people put into their mouth eventually gets into the water,” quipped Dr Christian Daughton, chief of environmental chemistry for the US Environmental Protection Agency. He learned that through science college. I learned that through outside plumbing in Colorado my first 11 years of life.

Now you are saying “Buck, get back to the Barbie doll boobies”. I’ll get back to her doper face…. In light of everybody soon to be on the serotonin highway to happiness via your tap water (and don’t think that bottled water is going to save you. Have you ever really investigated what gets filtered out of bottled water? very, very little) it’s going to be advantageous to get ready for a socially acceptable level of droop-eyed, slack-jawed, zombie’izm, and we are going to have to offer up more reinforcement than kite-high Farrah’s on Letterman. Television and movies are still run by Betty Ford graduate’s who are programmed to target and point out a whacko Minnelli at fifty paces. And the new crop of twenty something greedsters coming up have Nancy Reagan still ringing in their ears “Just say no” . The new age has told us all to take responsibility for our every illness and that depression is our own fault, we don’t need drugs we need to get rid of our stinkin’ thinkin’. Years and years of one faction or the other decrying the use of drugs has never stopped anybody one bit from running to the doctors and getting a prescription. (who *isn’t* on some prescription these days?) We will take and take and take anything we can get our hands to make us feel better. But we sure dont’ want anybody to know about it. We try to hide that “look”. That look that says “I needed a li’l help on this stumbling block of life”. That Barbie doll look. And as more and more of us get “the look” we’ll need to have the acceptance of the masses to not call for an immediate boycott of all prescription drugs It’s imparitive for the drug companies to have total “I don’t know and I don’t care” acceptance. Because unless Pfeizer and Upjohn and the lot start treating your nature calls like plutonium and bag it and bury it in the desert, which would be one hell of a dent in the profits, somebody is going to make enough noise to put the brakes on toxic urine and it’s causes (if there is anybody left sober enough to do such a thing but that’s a whole other chapter that could be entitled “Trilateral Commision meets the Masons underground in Munich”).

“Fix the dang sewers, Buck!” Can’t. What we have now is woefully inadequate to keep a head size rat out. The only thing keeping you from typhoid is chlorine. Lots and lots of chlorine. but it doesn’t affect the drug run-off. (Flouride is a drug by the way. Flouride, intentionally added to your water. YOU voted to have it added to your water. You think you are preventing cavities but you are ingesting a drug that is classified as a depressant. A sedated populace is a happily controlled populace. The insurance companies only gave up cavity revenue in exchange for 201 cures for cancers being suppressed) Nope, we are all taking the bullet-train to Lobotomy River and going in for a dip. Barbie’ism will grab each and everyone who does not have their own water filtration specifically designed to get out these drugs. And nobody knows what gets out these drugs. So take a good look at Barbie’s face. Aquaint yourself, brace yourself for “the look” of the future. Today.