Alien Jesus Collective

The Georgia Department of Corrections is offering a wonderful new service. Their new web page gives access to the state of Georgia’s complete database of convicts. Everyone who’s done time in Georgia during the last 30 or 40 years is included, searchable by name, institution where incarcerated, or even by offense. Many of the offenders even have a photo posted! I think its great that Georgia is making an effort to use the internet as a rehabilitation tool. The next logical step is to allow inmates to post a resume on the site when they are nearing release. Employers looking for cheap ex-con labor would be able to search the site and locate the perfect person for any position:

If you’re into the pictures, search for everyone under death sentence. Most of the death row guys rate a large picture. Someone should put together some trading cards of these guys. The site is also a cool place to learn about crimes you just don’t think about every day. Barratry, bastardy, embracery, instigating mutiny, insurrection, intermarriage with close kin, necrophilia, violation of bingo rules…the list goes on and on. Unfortunately, many criminal categories don’t have any offenders listed. A search for necrophiliacs yields no results! Someone needs to institute some sort of affirmative action program to make sure that all categories have at least one convict in them. Maybe the Justice Department could institute some sort of bussing system to move necrophiliacs from the midwestern “corpse belt” states to other states where the the lovers of the dead are kept out by fear and prejudice. If you feel as I do, please email Al Gore and tell him you want him to make necrophiliac bussing one of his campaign planks in 2000.

My only concern is that some obsessive compulsive sociopath will see the list of crimes on the site and use it as a personal checklist that must be completed at all costs. When captured, he or she will claim to have gotten the idea from the internet, unleashing a flood of news stories describing the profound threat posed to white American society by the internet. If I catch anybody causing more of this crap to flood MY television, I’ll haul you off to Georgia and get my name listed with the Department of Corrections for murder AND necrophilia.